Notice Me
by Dreamweaving
Summary: Ienzo just wants to be useful. To be noticed. To have proof that his existence matters and that he has some worth. When Ansem fails to help him with this, he seeks validation elsewhere. Sad little introspective piece on loneliness from an eight-year-old Ienzo's POV.


I'm lonely. Do you see me? I'm trying to get your attention. I'm lonely and I need you. I need someone. Anyone. Just look at me. Look my way and smile at me. Can't you see me reaching for you? I have no words to beg for your attention. They get stuck and won't come out.

I don't do it to annoy you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't answer you. I'm sorry. I can't get the words to come out.

I reach for your hand. I want to hold it like I did when I first came here. You say your busy. You tell me to run and play. Did I do something wrong? Is that why you don't have time for me anymore? I'm sorry. Tell me what I did. I'll fix it. I'll make it up to you.

But you don't even look up from your papers.

I've been here before. I thought things would be different. You smiled at me and held my hand and told me it would be okay. No one had ever done that before. But now you're always busy and I'm in the way.

I don't want to go and play. There's no one to play with. I see others from the windows. I see them walking by. Kids like me. I see them and I want to play with them. But you won't let me go beyond the castle walls. You say they'll make fun of me for being unable to talk.

So I sit and play alone. Just like I always have.

I want to watch you work. Just to be near you. But you say I'm distracting you. You tell me to go find something to entertain myself. Maybe we'll get ice cream later. You always say that. But we haven't had ice cream together since that first day.

I'm lonely. I want someone to look at me...

I'm sorry I can't tell you what I need. What I want. Every time I try to speak I remember. I remember so many things. And the words won't come out. I'm sorry. I'm trying to tell you, but I can't.

Does that make me broken? Is that why you don't want me?

Is that why I play alone?

The labs are cold, but I go there anyway. You told me not to, but I don't listen. Nothing I do makes you happy. Makes you smile at me... I'm tired of trying.

There are men here. Talking. Conducting experiments. They stop talking when I walk through the door.

_I'm lonely. Look at me. See me. Please..._

I know them. I see them around. They never talk to me. They walk right by just like everyone else. But now they all look at me. See me. Notice me.

They look curious All regarding me as if trying to understand what they're looking at. Or maybe waiting for something to happen. I think I interrupted something important. But I don't care.

Then one holds out a hand. He has silver hair and orange eyes. Xehanort. I know that is his name. That's all I know. But he smiles at me. Beckons me closer.

And I run forward, grabbing at that offered hand like it's my lifeline.

I fear I may have done something wrong, but his attention is all on me and I don't want him to look away. I don't want to let go. I'm afraid if I do, they'll all go back to their work and I'll be alone again.

But he chuckles and gives my hand a squeeze in return. And then he's picking me up, sitting me on his lap. He says that maybe I can help. Would I like to help?

The others look unsure, but he just secures an arm around me so I won't fall and reaches to pull papers across the desk towards us. His finger rolls over the formulas on the page. Explaining.

Before he's even finished, I grab the pencil off the table, using a blank sheet to work things out. I hear Even mutter that this is ridiculous, but I barely hear him. I can feel the others watching me as I work. Noticing me.

When I'm finished I let the pencil fall, glancing up at them. They all look over the work, silent. Then Even picks the paper up, frowning.

I sit and wait, holding on to the arm around me, afraid if I don't it will vanish. After a moment, Even lays the paper back on the table, looking at me differently. Like he's surprised. Like he's actually seeing me for the first time.

He murmurs that my answer was correct and I see the surprise cross the faces of the others as Xehanort pats me on the head.

He tells me I'm smart and asks me how I knew. I feel horror grip me as I realize he wants me to tell him. The words won't come out. Then Even explains to him-I can't talk. He tells Xehanort why and I worry. Worry that they'll all think I'm broken too. Like you do.

But instead they all remain quiet for a moment before Xehanort breaks the silence.

He asks me again if I would like to help and I nod, eager. Yes. I'll help. Let me be helpful.

He looks at me. Sees me. Smiles at me. They all do.

I feel some of my loneliness slip away as I lean into Xehanort's warmth. I don't know how long they'll see me. I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself. But right now I'm useful. And they see me. And that's all I want.


End file.
